Voicemail is for Chumps

11096149575_3765a251fd_mI expend a lot of mental energy imagining possible scenarios, which won’t ever occur. The surprising thing about life is that you never know what could happen, even in the smallest and miniscule ways. Humor is found in life’s most unremarkable moments.

I call my close friend hoping to get her answering machine. I still think of it as an answering machine, though certainly no one employs a cassette-tape machine connected to a landline anymore.

The phone is ringing. I wonder what’s she’s up to, typically imagining activities more fun and lively than what I’m doing at the moment. Mentally, I’m rehearsing what I’m going to say on the message so it’s not too long or rambling. The phone rings on and on. I debate whether it’s worth it to wait to leave a message at all when I am assaulted by a robotic and generic voice. I hate the robot greeting. What if I accidentally phoned a wrong number and now a perfectly silly message will go to waste.

I always try to say my first and last name, in the event she’s made another friend named Julianne. Besides, “hey, it’s me,” is possibly the most irritating greeting, behind robot. Mid-message I usually think of something funny to say, a joke or stupid voice. I most definitely have different voices and accents for specific friends. For example, I have a Tomato Lady Temperature voice for my friend Carly when she orders food. Is that weird? My mind snaps back to the task at hand and I finish up what is most likely, a very odd and overly thought out message.leaveamessage

As I prepare to hang up, she calls me on the other line. I answer her call with “Oh, just erase that message, I didn’t say anything important.”





Published by


Hello random internet person! I'm Julianne. I live with my boyfriend Jaymes, and our dog Cash. His full name is Johnny Cash, but apparently dogs stop paying attention after one syllable. Anyway The Real House Blog is about our house projects and making a home together. I like writing, photography, and telling people what to do; so a blog is a perfect opportunity to share my opinions with the abyss of the interwebs. It took me a long time to find my home, peace, and love. In darker times, a few awesome blogs had always been a pleasure to read, a wonderful constant that could cheer me up. So now I'm excited to possibly create some joy for you Mr. or Ms. Reader. Thank you so much for stopping by, and I hope you enjoy the blog! The opinions expressed in this blog are mine and mine alone, and do not represent my employer.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s