Keeping it real since 2014

Hello, I am a Grouch

Call me Oscar, because today I am a grouch. Thus follows a nonsensical post about all things sullen. Disclaimer: Most of this is snarky satire, so don’t get offended. Or get offended. I really don’t care either way.

Hyperbole and a Half

Hypberbole and a Half, google it.

Today I woke up angry. Most days that start off badly tend to follow that projection, and quickly slide into a sneaky hate spiral.

I feel like I have street cred for being habitually sunny, but I think that’s mostly due to the fact that when the rare hate spiral day comes along- I try my best to avoid humanity in general.



Today is not one of the days I have the luxury of rolling myself in a quilt, watching Netflix and not speaking a word to anyone (with the exception of the occasional meow to Kitty). Yeah, I talk to my cat. So what?


Normally what happens is, I feel grouchy, then feel bad about feeling grouchy, then feel mad about feeling guilty. Lather, rinse, repeat, or as The Oatmeal would say it:, go there now., go there now.

Oscar the Grouch, appeared on Sesame Street Nov. 10, 1969.


Origin, Old French, grouchier àEnglish, grutch à Modern, grouch.

The word grouch, noun, means a habitually grump person. I suppose by this definition I’m not in a bad mood enough to be a grouch (habitually?). Let’s see… synonyms: grumbler, complainer, moaner, sourpuss, whiner, sorehead, crab, curmudgeon. Oh I like curmudgeon.

How to Become a Full-Fledged Curmudgeon

Curmudgeon, noun, an ill-tempered (and frequently old) perspn full of stubborn ideas and opinions.

Myself on some days, or Statler and Walforf from The Muppet Show. Damn Jim Henson, I’m not sure if I should be worried or impressed that you had so many grumpy Muppets

The Original Haters

The Original Haters

Grumpy is another great word for how I feel today.

And while I love Grumpy Cat, this is the perfect opportunity for me to Kanye West Garfield over Grumpy Cat. Garfield is my spirit Animal. Did you know Garfield was set in Muncie, Indiana?


Garfield and I have lots in common: obsessive eating, hating Mondays, being lazy, witty sarcasm, beloved furry sidekick. In addition to being portrayed as lazy and fat, Garfield is also pessimistic, narcissistic, sadistic, cynical, sarcastic, sardonic, negative and a bit obnoxious. Garfield also hates raisins as do I (They are just old grapes)

Speaking of grumpy, fictional Indianans… (what do you call someone from Indiana?), Ron Swanson is also a personal favorite.


If you don’t watch Parks and Recreation, you’re stupid and I hate you.

imagesCALXS643Seriously, Ron Swanson rocks.


Lastly, links to a few actually health and helpful articles I reference when I actively try to exit Grouchtown.

Here is where I would ponder on how to wrap this post up in a witty, bringing all the randomness together Julianne fashion, but it’s Monday, and I just don’t care that much.


case of the mondays






Thanks to everyone who had to talk or look at me today. Happy Monday being almost over!


Bill_ea6ba9_5593503*Tequila is my shot of choice.


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